I think I #married the #wrongguy: 5 delusions busted!
If you've been having doubts about your partner even after several years of marriage or how you ended up where you ended up, perhaps this post might help you to put things better in perspective. I am not a marriage counselor but I have learnt a lot not only through my own experiences but also those of my friends. Here are the most common delusions that we may tend to suffer regarding marriage and relationships.
1. I still feel lonely and unfulfilled!
The first major mistake most of us make when we enter into a relationship with someone, is that somehow we believe that our partner is going to fulfill us! However, we must realize that the feeling of completeness we are seeking, is a state of consciousness one has to strive for and is not dependent on anything external. Rationally though, how can two incomplete people complete each other anyway? Not only do we think that he or she is somehow going to complete us, but we go a step further expecting perfection from our partners. Not being perfect ourselves, it is ridiculous to expect perfection from others. Honestly, the perfection that we are seeking, lies only within.
2. He is so different than me!
When love first happens, we are blinded to the other person's habits and likes and dislikes, but when our emotions settle down, we start waking up to the truth of the situation we got ourselves into! However, we must understand that no two people are alike and we only need to increase our tolerance graph for the relationship to succeed. If we start looking for someone else without having developed this basic understanding, the whole cycle may well repeat itself again!
3. He doesn't love me anymore!
There is a mechanics to it that we need truly to come to terms with--men are reason based and women are feeling based, but everybody responds to love! So instead of indulging in victim consciousness, it is better to come out of our feelings of isolation and hurt and be the first one to show love and affection to our partner. If our feelings are sincere, in time we will get the response we are looking for from our loved one.
4. I am getting nothing out of it!
This is the number one recipe for disaster for any long-term relationship to hold together. Marriage is a sacred commitment based on unconditional love and not a business negotiation. You married because you fell in love and true love means that marriage is not for you--it is for the other person! When you get this one thing right, marriage starts becoming for you--like everything else in life, it's a paradox!
My friend just told me about this guy she recently met and after a couple of dates, they kissed. Then he proposed to her saying that he thought she was good for him! You can well understand my friend's reaction, she was disturbed to say the least--we discussed it and he went straight out of the window!
5. He has changed--he is not the same person anymore!
When you enter into a long-term relationship like marriage, you have to give it your all and be ready to embrace change. Change is the very nature of the Universe--infact if you go out to take pictures, no two pictures will be alike because light changes from one moment to the next! Life changes, people change and grow with experiences and for a relationship to work, you have to get out of your comfort zone and move with the change.